Sibling Rivalries

By Abdullahi Yusuf

“And We raised some of them above others in rank so that He may test them through what He has given them. Indeed, your Lord is swift in punishment, but He is also Forgiving and Merciful.” (Surah Al-An’am, 6:165)

Many of us come from troubled, even ‘difficult,’ families. Alongside the struggles we endure from family dynamics, we may feel ashamed about having dysfunctional homes. That shame often comes from knowing these problems should not exist. One of such issues is sibling rivalry. It is as old as humanity itself. What starts as childish quarrels can grow into something far more destructive in adulthood. Siblings grow apart and fail to support each other, or even take secret satisfaction in each other’s struggles because of jealousy, competition and cold indifference. It is hard to understand why some are tested with conflict, abuse, or neglect in their families while others enjoy peace and harmony.

But there is comfort in remembering that none of us chose our families; therefore, this is something Allah has written for us as part of our life’s tests and that some of the Prophets endured painful and toxic family relationships. The story of Prophet Yusuf (AS) portrays sibling rivalry at its most dangerous. While many of us may have siblings who hurt us emotionally or physically, Yusuf’s brothers went further: they plotted to kill him and ultimately abandoned him in a well, leaving him to die. This may sound like a tale, but it is the truth. Before the plot, tensions in the family were obvious. Prophet Yaqub (AS), fully aware of the animosity, warned Yusuf (AS), “He said, ‘O my son, do not relate your vision to your brothers or they will contrive against you a plan. Indeed, Satan, to man, is a manifest enemy.’”(Surah Yusuf 12:5)

Yaqub’s warning shows how bad the siblings’ rivalry already was. Yusuf’s brothers did not suddenly leap from mild jealousy to attempted murder; they must have cruelly teased him, shoved him around and subjected him to acts of unkindness. Over time, these resentments festered and grew until they reached a point of monstrous intent. “Kill Joseph or cast him out to [another] land; the countenance of your father will [then] be only for you, and you will be after that a righteous people.” (Surah Yusuf 12:9)

Yusuf survived their plot and rose to greatness, and eventually his brothers repented. His story is a reminder that even the deepest betrayals can heal with time and sincere change, but it also shows that healing is a process and requires safety and true remorse.

At this juncture, we might ask: What are the parents’ roles in the rivalry? Prophet Yaqub (AS) was not only a father but a Prophet of Allah, yet he faced the dilemma. His grief was so intense that it caused him to lose his eyesight!  How often did he try to guide them, only to see his efforts fall short? “And they brought upon his shirt false blood. [Jacob] said, ‘Rather, your souls have enticed you to something, so patience is most fitting. And Allah is the one sought for help against that which you describe.’” (Surah Yusuf; 12:18)

This story and many others, as narrated in the glorious Quran, suffice to remind us that there is no such thing as a perfect family. Whether it’s struggling with sibling rivalry, rebellious children, or toxic relationships, the struggles within families are part of human life. Prophet Yusuf teaches resilience in the face of betrayal. Prophet Yaqub shows how to endure as a parent when children fail to live in harmony.

Therefore, for those of us currently undergoing siblings’ struggles, Yaqub’s family narration should comfort our minds and serve as a lifeline. Yaqub’s incredible patience and reliance on Allah should be a reminder that sometimes even the best parenting cannot prevent children from going astray or engaging in mischief. “Indeed, he who fears Allah and is patient – then indeed, Allah does not allow the reward of those who do good to be lost.” (Surah Yusuf 12:90).

Guidance is ultimately in Allah’s Hands.

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